Memento mori 💀 Memento vivere

№ 40 ☼ 3 minutes

The specter of the past gnaws at me. When I quiet my mind, I hear the shadow whisper, "wasted, wasted, wasted. You're too late."

Because of that, I can't sit still. I constantly feel the need to be in motion, pushing forward. Doing something, creating something, or at least dreaming.

I don't want to miss anything. I don't want to waste anything. And yet that's exactly what I feel. I constantly fight the feeling that I've wasted too much. That I've done more harm than good. That it's too late.

But I’ve found a way to fight back. A tool that brings Light and truth forward.

It's a small coin I keep with me.

On one side, it says memento mori. On the other, memento vivere.

Remember that you will die. Remember that you must live.

I keep this coin with me to reflect on this mindset all day. So that every action I take and every word I speak is guided by intentionality and purpose.

To keep myself grounded in the implications of that mindset, I keep a photo app on the home screen of my phone. Each day, I look at the photos taken on this same day throughout the years. I go through each picture and reflect on the past. I try to remember everything about that moment in time. The places, what the weather was like, any smells I can recall.

It's bittersweet, always.

I see my kids when they were just babies and how far away those days seem. My wife and I when we were just married, still babies in our own way. I see my grandmother, who I miss dearly. Seeing her brings back the sound of her laugh and the shape of her smile. Weddings. Parties. Family BBQs. Lots and lots of birthdays. So many smiles, so many tears, so much heartache.

So much life.

The photos are bittersweet because there are some days that I don't want to remember. Some pictures remind me of a bad fight. A rough patch. A friendship gone sour or a pain I'd almost forgotten. Sometimes I see my face in a picture, worn out and weathered, and I wonder how I've survived. How we made it this far.

And there are some memories that I wish I could live over and over again, savoring all the joy and light crammed into those short moments. It's astonishing how some days stretch so wide in your recollection, feeling as full as a whole year.

But I can't go back. I can't undo my choices or raise the dead or relive any of those beautiful moments.

But I can remember.

And when I remember the past, reality hits me square in the chest. I only have this one life, this one moment of always moving forward.

I remember that I will die. So I must remember to live.

If you want to live more fully, more intentionality, look back over your life. Measure it. Remember it. The number of the days you’ve lived will sober you because you will see how much life happens in such a short amount of time.

Have you done all that you could do? Did you live truthfully and try to do good? Have you become all that you could be?

Are you living each day fully, with intention and purpose?

How will you use the days you have left to bring more Light into this world?

Are you leaving a legacy of love?

That is why I carry this coin.

You will die. So you must live.